


I cannot cry      (because I know that's weakness in your eyes)

by Fangirl_in_distress



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Alpha Sam Winchester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Bobby Singer is a Saint, Bottom Dean, Case Fic, Dean-Centric, How Do I Tag, Insecure Dean Winchester, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Omega Dean, Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment, Top Castiel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2019-06-23 19:41:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15613596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirl_in_distress/pseuds/Fangirl_in_distress
Summary: Dean always knew he'd be an Alpha.Except, he isn't.OrThe A/B/O Destiel one where it's more Dean angst and hate on John Winchester than actual Destiel.





	1. Dean always knew he would be an Alpha

**Author's Note:**

> So, it's my first fic here and I live on feedback. So pretty please comment!  
> This is just an excuse to write all the angst that I'm sure would happen if the omega verse was real and Dean was an omega.  
> Can you imagine what John "The demon posessing me is kinder than me" Winchester would have done?  
> I'm sorry, the first one is short, but I plan on making bigger chapters after this.

Dean always knew he would be an Alpha. 

 

He knew it when he was four even though he barely understood the concept of Alpha, beta and omega. 

 

All he could understand is that Alphas were strong like Daddy and Betas were kind like Mommy. He didn't understand omegas though. 

Also, he loved both Mommy and Daddy very much, but his dream was to be strong and powerful like Daddy. Like an Alpha.

 

But then, there was fire. He ran with little Sammy crying in his arms while the house burned behind them. Since then, Mommy was gone and Daddy was different from before. Everything was different. 

 

But Daddy had said that Dean would have to help to take care of little Sammy, because now there were just the three of them. 

 

So since the fire, Dean swore he'd always protect Sammy, he'd never let anything hurt his baby brother. Sammy was his responsibility. 

 

So, of course Dean would be an Alpha. He had to be strong to protect Sammy.

 

•••

 

Dean always knew he would be an Alpha. 

 

He knew it when he was seven and he started to understand omegas. Not that he was close to any omegas, but he heard a lot about them. 

 

Dad and his hunter buddies always talked about omegas when they thought Dean wasn't listening. And, based on what they said, it was pretty easy for him to get to one conclusion:

While Alphas were strong and betas were kind, omegas were weak. 

 

Dad and his friends always used mean words to talk about omegas, Dean has even heard them saying these stuff directly to omegas on the streets. He couldn't understand what they meant, but it just sounded so mean that he was afraid to ask. 

Dean was used to hearing them using expressions like "you're not going to behave like a little omega bitch, are you?" or "Who do you think you're talking to? A useless omega?" so, it was pretty clear to him how omegas were weak and useless and disposable.

 

How omegas could never be hunters. 

 

So, of course Dean would be an Alpha. He had to be powerful and useful to be a hunter.

 

•••

 

Dean always knew he would be an Alpha. 

 

He knew it when he was nine and he overheard a conversation between Dad and another hunter named Gordon. 

"This is how you raise your son?You gotta know this shit ain't good for him, John!" The man said. 

At first, Dean thought Gordon was talking about the fact that he couldn't play like most kids could. Or about how Dad kept leaving him and Sammy alone for days. 

But, it wasn't that. 

 

"Take care of your own damn business!" A drunk John replied. 

"I'm just saying, man. He cleans, he cooks, he takes care of the youngest one... You teach him to act like an omega."

"Shut up, Gordon. You know nothing about me and my son!"

John was clearly getting more irritated, looking ready for a fight. 

"I know you don't wanna hear it, John. But I'm saying this for your own good: keep treating the boy like an omega and I won't be surprised if he turns out to be one" And that was what pushed John over the edge. 

He punched Gordon in the nose, with as much strength as his drunk state would let him. 

Dean had never seen his dad so angry, and that's saying something because John was always angry. 

"Listen here, Gordon, both my sons will grow up to be strong Alphas, they'll be the best hunters around and they're going to make me fucking proud!"

 

So, of course Dean would be an Alpha. He had to make dad proud. 

•••

 

Dean always knew he would be an Alpha.

 

He knew it when he was eleven and started joining dad on a few local hunts. 

He hated leaving Sammy alone, but he always obeyed dad's orders. 

The first monster he killed on his own was a werewolf.

The creature appeared out of the blue while Dad was checking another room. It got very close before Dean managed to pull the trigger. 

After, Dad took Dean, still bloody, to a hunter's bar to tell all of his friends that his son killed a werewolf on his own. 

He never told Dean he was proud or that Dean did a good job, but the boy could feel it. 

Later, reliving those moments in his head, Dean realized that if he had missed, he'd have died. There's no way Dad could have made it in time to save him. 

It was the first time Dean understood how hunting with Dad (his poor drunk, revenge obsessed and still in mourning Dad) was a lot like being on his own. 

 

So of course Dean would be an Alpha. He had to fight on his own, he had to be strong for himself when no one else was. 

 

•••

Dean always knew he'd be an alpha. 

 

So he got very confused at 13, when he woke up feeling as hot as the sun, with a sharp pain in his lower regions, and something wet down his thighs.

He sat on his bed with tears in his eyes as he slowly understood what was happening with his body. 

"No, no no no... This can't be happening! Please, NO!" He begged to no one in particular. 

He just wanted this to be over.

"Dean? You okay?" A sleepy 9-year-old Sam asked. 

"Yeah, Sammy. Go back to sleep... I just..." He didn't even know what to tell his baby brother. God, he was so fucking ashamed! Dad would tear him a new one when he's back, for sure. 

"You sure, Dean? What's... what's that smell?" A little more awake, Sam asked him. 

"I'm fine. This is just my scent, Sammy" He felt his cheeks burning as he answered. "I'm... I'm... I think I'm in heat, Sammy."

"Of course you're not, Dean. Only omegas have heats!" Sam replied. 

Dean didn't say anything to that, he just cried a little harder. 

"Dean? Are you crying? It's okay, Dean... Please, don't be sad. Do you want me to call Dad?" 

"NO! Just... please, go back to sleep, Sammy. Please..." 

 

That being said, Dean left his bed and went to hide in the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and shamefully removed his ruined pants. 

He couldn't contain the sobs that left him now that he was alone. 

 

Now he wouldn't be strong enough to protect Sammy. 

 

He wouldn't be useful or powerful enough to be a hunter.

 

He wouldn't make Dad proud. 

 

He wouldn't be able to fight on his own. 

 

Because even though he always thought he would be an alpha, Dean was an omega.


	2. That's weakness in your eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback!   
> This chapther is also short but 600 words longer than the first one, so I'll count it as a victory. I'm working on making bigger chapthers, sorry.   
> Read the end notes too, please!
> 
> ◇ WARNING: Violence towards a minor ◇

Dean spent his first heat locked in that bathroom.   
Occasionally, Sam would knock on the door and ask if he was okay, but all Dean wanted was to be left alone.

The first heat of an omega is always the longest and most difficult one, but it was especially hard for Dean. John never told him what he should do if he presented as an omega, so Dean had little knowledge about what was happening to his own body.

The boy spent a full week suffering from the heat. Besides the shameful arousal and the desperate need for an alpha, he also felt massive amounts of pain on his lower belly.

An omega needs to stay well hydrated during a heat, but Dean was ashamed and in pain so he didn't even left the bathroom to drink or eat.    
All he had was a few water bottles and cereal bars Sam managed to sneak in when he started getting worried that Dean would pass out.

On day 8, the boy finally left the cubicle he was in.

"Dean? Dean! I was so worried! Are you feeling better?" Sam exclaimed, running towards his brother and hugging him tight.

"I'm fine, Sammy." He answered, although he couldn't be farthest away from fine.  He could still smell the heat on himself and he felt disgusting.

"Was that really... Are you really an omega?"

"Yeah... I guess I am." The older brother said, taking a deep  breath to try to calm himself. "I'm sorry."

Sam frowned, confused.   
"You don't have to be sorry, Dean."  
"Well, I'm certainly going to be really sorry once dad gets home." He winced, thinking about how mad John would be once he finds out.

"He can't punish you for that, Dean. It's not your fault!" Sam said, as if John punishments actually made sense.

"I was supposed to be an Alpha! There are only three things dad expects of me, I have only three obligations. To be a good hunter, to take good care of you and to be an Alpha. And I failed, Sammy!" Dean said, angst written all over his face. "I failed dad, I failed you..."

Dean didn't cry even though his eyes burned. He didn't want to be any weaker.

"Hey, you didn't fail me. Maybe dad will get mad at you, but I won't. I don't mind you being an omega" He smiled sweetly. "Everything will be ok, Dean."

He knew that things wouldn't be ok, but he couldn't help but smile back at his little brother.

                       •••  
    Things were absolutely  **not ok**.

John came back later on that same day and even though Dean wanted desperately to hide what had happened, there was no way to hide the strong omega scent in the bedroom.

"What's... what's that smell? Did you allowed an omega to enter the room, Dean?" The father asked as soon as he passed through the door.

"Dad... listen, please, don't be mad. " Dean started explaining himself, even though he didn't know what to say.

As John got closer he noticed the omega scent seemed to be coming from Dean.

"What the hell, Dean? Why are you smelling like an omega?" The man did very little to hide how he got angrier each second that passed.

"I-I'm sorry, D-dad. I presented while you were away." The boy took a deep breath. "I'm an omega."

Dean didn't even feel the blow coming.   
"What did you just say? What did you say to me?" He spat the words as he grabbed Dean by his shirt.

"I'm sorry, I-I'm so sorry, Dad!"  
A fist crashed on his face and soon Dean was tasting blood.

"No son of mine is a little bitch, you hear me? You can't be that, you just can't!" He said, while he shaked his son.

Dean decided that it would better just to keep quiet. There was nothing he could say that would diminish his father's rage.

"How could you disappoint me like that? After everything I did for you two!" John was out of his mind with anger, he kept shaking the boy vividly. "I didn't raise you to be like that, Dean! You're supposed to be better than that!"  
He punched the boy again, as hard as the first time.

"Dad, please let him go! This isn't his fault." Sam begged.

John paused, threw the boy on the ground and looked at his youngest son.  For a moment, the brothers thought he was going to hit Sam too.

"Listen to me, Sam. I'll punish your brother as I see fit! You're too young to understand what he did, but believe me he deserves everything he'll get"    
Sam absolutely didn't believe him.

Then, the man focused his attention on Dean again.

He kicked the boy hard, as he was already on the ground.

Knowing that things were about to get really bad, Dean warned his brother:  
"Sammy... please, close your eyes."  
John chuckled.   
"What? No, son, you'll keep your eyes wide open. Consider this a warning for you not to present as a useless omega." He said.

After that, it was all agony.  
John kicked and punched and slapped and whipped. Dean screamed and begged and apologised and shouted.

_B_ _ut he did not_   _cry._

When John got too tired to go on, he just threw his son a disgusted look and left. Didn't even say where he was going, he just left.

The poor omega just kept lying on the floor, looking at the ceiling and wishing things were different.

"Dean? Dean, are you breathing okay? Do you want help to sit up?" Sam asked.

"I'm fine, Sammy. It's okay, I'm okay" He said, even though he knew he probably would need help.   
"You're not okay, Dean! You're bleeding!" He said, alarmed. "You know what? I'm calling uncle Bobby, he'll know what to do."

                        •••

Bobby dropped the case he was working on with two local hunters as soon as he got the call. Fortunately, it was only a one hour drive to the motel the boys were in.  
He made it in 45 minutes.

There he found an unconscious Dean and a crying Sam.   
He immediately put both of them inside the car and drove to the nearest hospital.

While he and Sam sat silently in the waiting room, Bobby couldn't help but ask himself how did his friend go as far as doing that to his own son. He always knew John neglect the boys a bit, but Bobby always thought that he was just too deep in mourning his wife and killing monsters to be a better parent. I mean, who could blame him?  
But at that moment, Bobby understood that the guy couldn't be trusted to raise these kids.

After long hours of apprehension and anxious tears, they finally heard a nurse calling:

"Friends and family of Dean Winchester?"   
Bobby woke Sam, who fell asleep on his shoulder, up and they quickly stood up.

"The patient suffered a small concussion, which is probably the reason the passed out. However, it was a really small one, so he will be fine" She explained. "Also, he has two fractured ribs, but that should heal fine on its own."

Bobby felt mixed emotions hearing the news. He was happy that, at least, Dean would be fine, but he was also angry and disappointed that John caused this much damage on his own boy. Also, he felt guilty for never realizing that John would be capable of something like that. 

"Can we see him?" Sam asked.   
The woman smiled kindly at the boy.   
"Yes, but please be as quiet as you can, he's probably in a lot of pain."  
Sam run to his brother's room, but when Bobby moved to follow him, the nurse got on his way.   
"I cannot ignore how suspicious Dean's injuries are, Mister." She said, suddenly a cold glisten in her eyes. "I asked him a couple of minutes ago, and he said he just fell down the stairs. But I'm going to ask you this time and I expect an honest answer: Is someone hurting this boy?"

Bobby thought about what he was going to say. All he wanted was to tell the truth, to make sure Dean would never get hurt like that again.  
However, he knew the odds of the boys being split up in the system and he didn't think neither of them could survive without the other. He could formally ask to be their legal guardian, but c'mon does a middle-aged lonely drunk widower even stand a chance?  
Besides, if Dean lied he probably didn't want other people to know.

He could make sure the boys were safe on his own.

"No, ma'am. He just fell."  
The nurse eyed him for a few more seconds before going away. He went straight to Dean's room after that.

There, Dean laid on the mattress looking tired while Sam sat at the edge of the bed.   
"Hey, kid. How you're feeling?"

Dean looked at the ground, ashamed. "I'm fine." He said "I don't know if Sam told you already, but...I'm... I'm an omega, Bobby. I'm sorry."

The man smiled sadly at him.   
"Sam didn't tell me, but... you kind of already smell like an omega."  
"I'm sorry..." The boy said again.   
"You don't need to be sorry. Or ashamed. You're the same kid you were before, Dean. There's nothing wrong with being an omega".

The boy got really quiet after that. After a few minutes, Bobby said:  
"Hey, Sam, why don't we go eat something and let Dean rest a little, huh?"   
Hesitantly, the child agreed to leave the room.

Alone, all Dean wanted was to let the tears flow. Despite what Bobby said, he still felt he was wrong for being an omega.   
However, he refused to prove his dad right, refused to be a whiny bitch.   
So what if he knew he'd never have his dad's approval? So what if he was beaten so badly he passed out? So what if he's got broken ribs?   
Dean can deal with it.   
Dean can suck it up.   
Everything to prove he's not as weak and worthless as he seems to be right now.   
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter's names is also based on Because of You by Kelly Clarkson. I'll try to put a line of the song every other chapther as it is deeply connected to the story, in my point of view.   
> I love feedback, pleaseeee comment! I love comments, I really do!


	3. Dean's ever lasting self-loathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the wait, but I guess it wasn't that long, right?   
> 2,000 words this chapter!!! Thank you so much for all the feedback, please keep doing it!

_"No, absolutely not!"_ Bobby shouted at the top of his lungs when John Winchester finally showed up at his door looking for the boys.

"What? They're not your children, Bobby, they're mine! And I'll take them home right now." John shouted right back, obviously thinking he was in his right.

"You lost that right when you left your son beaten unconscious in a hotel room." Bobby said, seeing red as he remembered the state Dean was in. "That was one week ago, and you didn't even call to make sure they were ok. You just left!"

John rolled his eyes as if this was all ridiculous. It was like he didn't even care whether what he did was wrong or right, he just wanted to be in control of the boys again.

"C'mon, I just needed time to think! It's not easy to find out your son is an omega bitch!"   
The man said, thinking that this was enough to justify his terrible actions.   
"Believe me, it's even harder to get beat up by your own father." Bobby said, his voice dark and full of angst. He couldn't believe he had befriended someone who was capable to be as heartless and violent as his own dad once was.

"Cut the crap, Bob, if you don't give'em back to me I'll call the cops on you for kidnapping." John was quickly losing his patience, he just wanted to be done with that.

"Your son of a bitch, you're lucky  _I_  didn't call the cops on  _you._ " The other man said, his voice full of anger. Both Alphas looked like they were about to get into a full-blown fight. Sensing that, Dean, who was quietly listening to the discussion, intervened.

"Bobby? Dad? Please, don't fight over this." The boy pleaded, worried.   
Even though John hurted him, he was still his father and Dean didn't want to never see him again. On the other hand, the boy loved Bobby as a father and knew he'd keep him safe. 

"Why, boy? The Alpha pheromones are too much for you?"John said the words viciously.   
Dean blushed, embarrassed. He still hadn't learned how not to feel ashamed of who he is, and unfortunately it would take many years for him to do so.

"See? That's why I won't let you take the boys. You keep treating them like shit!" Bobby shouted. "If you try to take them, I'll tell the cops you abused Dean."

John scoffed at that. In his twisted mind, he really believed that the other hunter was overreacting. That what he had done wasn't all that bad.

"Abuse? I just taught him a lesson." He said, rolling his eyes.

"John, you gave the boy a concussion. You broke his ribs, for Christ's sake!"

"He needed a correction. Didn't you, son?" John asked and Dean felt their eyes on him.

The boy trembled slightly, he knew he shouldn't contradict anything his father says. He's a soldier, all he does is following orders. Especially now, that he has to prove that he can still be a hunter, can still be useful even if he's an omega.   
However, he didn't want to upset Bobby after everything the man did for him and his brother. He knew Bobby just wanted what was best for them.

So he kept quiet, unable to choose a side, which only infuriated John.

"You know what? Whatever! That bitch is that fucking important for you? Then keep it!" He said to Bobby. "He stopped being my son the moment he presented, anyway."

 _Ouch._  
That hurted Dean more than he'd ever admit. He knew how disappointed his dad was, but to actually give up on him like that? Dean felt like the biggest failure in the world.   
He wanted to cry, but didn't allow himself to do so.

"Great! Now that we've establish that, get out of my house." Bob said, feeling a mix of anger and relief.

"I still want Sam back." John stated, firmly.

And that was what made Dean panic.   
At first, he was a little jealous that Dad would give up on him so easily, but would still fight for Sammy, but then he realized what that meant;  
They would take Sammy away from him. Even worse, Sammy would be alone with dad, without Dean to protect him from Dad's negligence and anger.

"No! Please, dad, take me back too! I'll be good, I promise! You w-won't even remember I'm an omega! I can still be useful, I can still be a good hunter! I'll show you!" The boy was begging desperately. "Please, don't take Sammy away from me!"

At that, John smirked gleefully.  
"Well, it seems that he wants to go with me... I'm afraid there's nothing you can do to stop us, then."

"You bastard! He's just afraid to be taken away from his baby brother!" Bobby felt physically sick at how manipulative John was. He knew Dean would do absolutely everything for Sam, everything to keep him safe.

"I don't care which are his reasons, what's important is that my children are coming with me." John kept a proud smile on his face. Not that he was actually proud of his son, he was just proud of himself for knowing exactly which buttons to push to get what he wanted. "Dean, please go get your stuff and wake your brother up."

He obeyed and left immediately.  Like a good little soldier.

"Bobby, I know you care about my boys a lot, so I'm letting this slip. I hope you won't let this... misunderstanding... affect our friendship. I can still count on you for hunts, right, buddy?"

Bobby got quiet for a few seconds. He really, really, wanted to never see John Winchester again. He was absolutely disgusted at how poorly he treated the boys, specially Dean. It reminded him of his own father, and no child deserved to live like that.

But he knows damn well that he can't protect the boys if he stops seeing John. He needs to keep the man close so he knows if (or when) he hurts the children again. What is it they say? Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer, right?

"Of course you can, John... just take it ease with the boys, ok?" He said, a fake smile on his face.

Then, Dean and a sleepy Sam entered the room.   
It was time to say goodbye. And as much as this broke Dean's heart, he knew that living without Sammy would just break it even more.

"We're ready to go now, sir." He said.   
"Can I at least say goodbye to them?" Bobby asked.   
John rolled his eyes, but went to the Impala, leaving them alone for a few minutes.

"We're... we're going home? I don't want to go, Bobby!" Sam said, finally realising what was happening.   
"Sammy, dad came to get us back. We need to go, don't you miss him?" Dean asked.  
"He hurt you, Dean. I don't want to go back to somewhere you're getting hurt."  
"I... I deserved that, Sammy. But he's willing to give me a second chance!" The older brother said.

At that, Bobby had to say something.  
"Hey, hey, don't say that, kid. Just don't. There's nothing wrong with you for being an omega."Bobby started. "I might be an Alpha, but my mom was an omega. My dad treated her very badly, but this wasn't her fault for being omega, it was his fault for being violent and cruel. It's not different with you."

Dean still didn't believe he were not to blame, so he stayed quiet.

"Look, kids, I have to let you go now. But if anything, and I mean anything, happens you call me, ok? If a hunt gets bad, if he leaves for too long, if he hurts you in any way or if you're just scared, please call me. Promise you'll call me." Bobby pleaded. He was so worried about the boys' wellbeing.

After they both promised that, they heard the car honking.

As Bobby waved the boys goodbye, he couldn't stop his eyes from watering as he watched his boys going away.

                        •••

If you ask Dean, he'd say the worst beating was that first one, after he presented.    
Not that John had never hit him before that time, but it was the first time he was so ruthless doing so.

It certainly wasn't the last time, though. Dean got hospitalized four more times because of his father.

John started drinking even more and getting even more angry at everything and anything. He just couldn't forgive his son for being an omega.   
He always made crude comments about his son's status, he always teased Dean for everything and made he work at least twice as hard to prove he could be a good hunter.

Oh, right. Hunting was an even bigger problem.   
Growing up as a hunter was hard, but being an omega hunter was even harder.   
Nobody took him seriously and the harassment was constant. It was disgusting how other hunters, most of them much older than him, had no qualms making awful comments or even trying to touch him.  Instead of defending Dean, John insisted that he should just "learn how to deal with it". 

Hunting got a little easier once Sam presented, a few years later.  
Finding out Sam was an Alpha was probably the best moment in Dean's life so far. Since Dean got his first heat, he was terrified that Sammy would be an omega too. He could take whatever dad did to him, but he didn't know what he would do if he had to witness his baby brother being treated like that.

When Sam presented he was 12 and Dean was 16. They had just finished a hunt, and Dad was away hunting a Wendigo with Bobby and Rufus.    
Omegas and Alphas who were directly blood related don't react to each other's heats/ruts, so that wasn't a problem. Dean was just happy for his little  brother, and also a little nostalgic that he was already all grown up.

Needless to say, John was out of his mind with happiness when he found out his youngest son was actually an Alpha.  
For Dean, it kind of hurt seeing how proud Dad was of Sammy being an Alpha, and knowing he'd never compare. But it would hurt a million times worse if he had to see John beating Sammy or screaming at him.   
Besides, Dean himself was very proud of his brother. With the hostile environment he grew up in, he ended up seeing omegas as less. Seeing himself as less.   
So, yeah, he was really fucking proud of Sammy for being better than him, for not making the same "mistake" as him.

Also, Dean learned that he was much more respected when he was beside an Alpha. Not at first, of course, a twelve-year-old didn't really scare anyone off.    
But as the years passed, Sam grew up quite a lot and, even though he was just a big teddy bear, Alphas don't mess with omegas who have moose-sized Alpha brothers by their side.    
As much as it bruised Dean's ego to know he only got respect because of his baby brother, he knew it was still better than being defenseless. The world was already very dangerous for omegas, but for omegas in a violent and alpha controled environment such as hunting? Well, let's just say you need someone to watch your 

Time kept passing, some things changed, others didn't. They made some friends and lost others. They kept hunting, kept fighting and killing monsters.

Eventually, John got the ending every hunter one day gets; he got killed by a monster. A demon to be more precise, a prince of hell.

He may be gone, but he left a lot of things that will follow the boy forever, like hunting skills and contacts to other hunters, his journal, his lessons...

Oh, and of course, Dean's everlasting self-loathing.   
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, tell me what you think.


	4. I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for how late I am, umfortunatly there were no comments on last chapter so I wasn't motivated enough to write faster. Sorry!   
> Well, That's where the second part of the fic starts.  
> WE'LL START DESTIEL FOR REAL NOW.  
> Enjoy! ♡

As the years went by, the Winchesters went through a lot pf things. Witches, demons, hell, Lucifer, angels...

Right, angels. The thing is that there's one specific angel who has been by their side for a long time by now and has manage to catch-all of Dean's attention and affection. That angel, of course, is Castiel.

unfortunately, they would never work out since Cas is an Alpha. Usually, this wouldn't be a problem; Alpha-omega couples are the most common since they're highly compatible. The thing is: Dean has a strictly 'no Alphas' rule.

Don't get me wrong, Dean does sleep around a lot, but just with betas and even with another omega once or twice. After everything he went through, he refuses to do anything that would prove how much of an omega he is. To Dean, being with an Alpha means submitting to them, which means to be weak. And after spending his whole life hearing how weak and useless he is for being an omega, all he wants is to stay as far away from his omega-self as he can.

So, as painfully obvious it is that Dean is in love, his stubborn self will do nothing about it.

•••  
"We've got a case, bro." Sam said, putting the newspaper on the table for his brother to read. "mysterious deaths in a small town nearby. By the witness' statement, it sounds like a ghost case."

"Sure, it looks like it's our kind of thing."

"Ok, I'll let Cas know so he can help us." Sam said, but decided not to miss the opportunity to tease his brother. "Unless you want to call him yourself?"

"Fuck off, Sammy." 

The younger one laughed.  
"C'mon, Dean, you behave like a high school girl who's too afraid to confess to her crush." He said. "Really, man, it's written all over his face how much he likes you. Why don't you just say the words?"

"You know why, Sammy..." Dean said, clearly becoming embarrassed. He hated talking about these stuff; both his omega issues and his love life.

"Dean... it makes no sense. Being with an Alpha won't make you less of a man, less of a hunter or less of a person." The tall brother said, sounding sad.   
He just couldn't stand to see how repressed his big brother really was.

Dean took a deep breath. It was hard for him, this kind of discussion... He knew that not being with Castiel was destroying him inside, but he promised himself that he would not become the typical house omega that every Alpha wanted. Even though Castiel was kind, gentle and respectful, Dean knew how Alphas always ended up wanting their omegas to be like. And Dean refused to be that.   
He refused to be weak, he refused to prove his father right.

"Just forget about it, Sammy." He said. "You know what I think about all of this and you can't change my mind."

Sam sighed.   
"Well, I wish I could."  
And he really did. Growing up, Dean's self-hatred became more and more clear each year, and, even though Dean was usually the protective one, Sam couldn't help but wish he could protect his big brother from his self-destructive decisions.

"Aw, Is little Sammy worried about my love life?" He teased.

"Maybe I'm just worried about you, Jerk."

"Whatever, bitch."

•••  
"Two of our three victims were regular clients of this bar, so I think it's our best bet to get in there and ask around" Dean suggested.

"Are you sure you don't just want to get wasted?" Sam asked, in a teasing sound to which Dean just rolled his eyes.

"I think it is a great idea. If customers know nothing, then I think, at least the barman will have something to say about them." Castiel answered, to no one's surprise, agreeing with Dean's idea.

As soon as they got in, Castiel went to talk to the barman as the brothers talked to the customers.   
Of course, as Dean was a single omega in a dirty bar in a small town, it didn't take too long for a unpleasent situation to happen.

"You sure you don't know either of them?" He asked, showing the guy the pictures again.   
"Yeah, babe, I'm new in this town, never saw them before. But what about you? Why is a pretty little thing like you involved with this case, huh? Shouldn't you be at home taking it from an Alpha?" The guy asked, smirking.

Dean felt his cheek color in embarrassment. He hated this, he hated the way people talked about him as if he was worthless.

Sam wanted to punch the guy in the face right then, but he knew Dean hated when he wanted to fight his battles for him. The Alpha decided to give his brother a little more time before he intervened.

"My reasons for being involved with this investigation are none of your business. If you have nothing useful to say, then shut your mouth." The omega answered, seeming way more confident than he actually was.

The guy just rolled his eyes, as if it was ridiculous for him that an omega was standing up to himself.   
"You're way too rude, bitch. I bet I could teach to be more omega-like." He said.

"Fuck off." Dean answered, tired of having to deal with this kind of asshole.

When the dude went to grab Dean's arm, Sam decided that the time was up, he had to stop it.

"He said fuck off, dude." Sam said, using his alpha voice and grabbing the guy's arm.

And just like that, with just one sentence from another Alpha, the stranger let go and went to another corner of the bar. Dean felt angry when people disregarded what he said or felt, but he was mostly ashamed that, even after all those years, he still needed protection from his baby brother.

"You okay, Dean? I know you prefer to deal with this alone, but he was-" Sam started, but his brother interrupted.

"It's fine, Sam. You did good, that guy would never listen to me." He said. "Let's just go, ok? I don't want to be here anymore..."

Sam gave him a sympathetic smile.  
"Sure, let me just get Cas."

"I'll wait outside." The omega said, not managing to be inside that place any longer. 

Dean felt so weak whenever something like this happened. He hated, both the feeling and the situation. He could cry with how bad he felt, but, in his head, this would only make him weaker.   
He knew that without his brother to save his ass, metaphoric and literally,   
he would probably not be bere anymore. Would probably have been killed by an Alpha who wouldn't take   
no for an answer... Just thinking about it fills him with dread.

"Dean? Sam said something happened, are you alright?" Castiel asked, rushing out of the bar to meet him.

Managing to force a smile, Dean answered:  
"Yeah, Cas, I'm fine. There was just an annoying dude at the bar, but it's ok."

"Are you sure?" The angel asked, doing that adorable head tilt of his.

"Yeah, man, I'm sure."

Castiel seemed confused, but let it go, for now at least.  
With that, they headed straight back to the hotel.

•••

When Dean was getting ready to go to sleep, Cas decided to talk to him again.

"Dean... I'm sorry you had to go through that bad experience earlier. Are you sure you feel fine?" He asked.

One more time, Dean faked a smile as best as he could and answered:  
"I'm good, Cas. It was nothing..."

Castiel made a sad frown before answering.  
"Dean... you don't need to hide or to fake anything with me. You know I won't judge you."

Maybe it was the already vulnerable situation that his emotions were in after what happened, but Dean felt his eyes burning.  
Still, he didn't let a single tear slip.

instead, he hugged Cas tightly. He let all emotions out in that hug.   
"It's okay, Dean. It's okay, you don't need to be fine all the time. You can break down, you can even cry if you want." The angel ran his hands up and down the man's back, trying to comfort him.

"No, Cas, I can't... I really can't." He said, already feeling weak for letting it be known how upset he really was.

"Okay. What about talking about what happened in that bar, Dean? Can you do that? And more important, do you want to talk about it?" He asked. "If you do, I am always willing to listen."

"Huh... I-I guess I could." The man answered, scratching the back of his head in discomfort. "There was this asshole who kept saying that I shouldn't be involved in an investigation, that I should just be getting a knot somewhere else. I answered him and he called me a bitch and started to grab me by the arm..."

He paused, waiting to see if Castiel would say something to him, but he just remained quiet and very attentive.

"I should be used to it by now, really. It's not like this didn't happen all the time. Fuck, it was so far from being the worst... " The Winchester said. "But I guess I just let that get to me this time..."

Cas, very gently, got closer and gently caressed the omega's cheek.   
"Dean... Listen to me very carefully: you should never have to get used to something like that."

Dean shook his head.   
"No, Cas. That's how the world goes, I should be adjusted to it already. Maybe it's just how things are meant to be for us O's."

Castiel looked genuinely hurt that Dean would say something like that about himself and his kind.

"You know, I remember when Father created humans... He didn't make Alphas, betas and omegas to divide the human race. Father wanted you to have something that brought you closer to angels, something for both his first and his most important creation to have in common." He told him. "Personally, I think that when, all that time ago, Alphas started imposing themselves and trying to prove they're the best group... I guess that was the final straw for Father to abandon his creation."

Again, Dean's eyes was glistening with tears he would never allow to fall down.   
"Thanks, Cas... for telling me this."

"You're welcome, Dean. I'm always here for you." He said.

Then, a comfortable silence was installed between the two of them. unconsciously, Dean could feel himself getting closer and closer to Cas...

"Hey, Guys, did you- Oh... Am I, am I interrupting something?" Said Sam, barging into the room and destroying the moment.

"N-no, Sammy, you absolutely isn't. I guess we should all just go to sleep, right?" Dean said, a bit panicky.

He couldn't believe he got this close to kiss Cas. The last thing he needed was to reveal his feelings to him, he couldn't do that to himself or to Cas.   
Dean Winchester needed to get a grip!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, give me feedback! Love you guys!


	5. Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! I'm not dead I was just trying to decide which route I was going to take with this work. Thanks for the lovely comments, please don't give up on this.
> 
> WARNING: Mentions of physical abuse (not to main characther) and mentions of sexual harrasment.

Dean woke up early and already feeling a lot better about the situation at the bar.

"Good morning, Cas." When Castiel first entered their lives, Dean was always surprised when he woke up and there was someone else awake in the house or hotel room, since Sam always wakes up after him. But after all this time? He feels weird when he gets up and Cas is not there.

"Good morning, Dean." The angel's eyes lit up with joy as he sees Dean."How are you feeling?"

"A lot better, yeah." He said, as he poured a cup of coffee to make himself a little more awake. "Thanks for... y'know, talking to me about those stuff."

"I have already told you, Dean, I am always here for you." He says, voice dripping with sincerity as he approaches the man. His deep blue eyes fixated on Dean's green ones.

Dean couldn't stop thinking about how he wanted to completely close the space between the two of them and kiss the angel. God, he ached for it.  
After their little moment the day before, he could feel that he was falling even more for Castiel. He didn't think that was possible, yet here he is.

Deciding to break the silence before he did something he would regret later, Dean blurted out:

"How is the case?"  
"What?"  
"The case. Were there some new information while I was sleeping?"  
"No, Dean. We are going the visit the first victim's mate today, remember?" Castiel said, tilting his head slightly.  
"Oh, right. "

●●●

And, in fact, a few hours later the three of them, disguised in their FBI suits, were talking to Lillian Smith, the first victim's wife.

"So, Mrs. Smith, We're very sorry for your loss, but we need to ask some questions."

Lillian, an omega, opened the door with a sceptical look on her face.  
"I won't allow two unmated Alphas inside my house." She said, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at Sam and Castiel.

That wasn't exactly the reception they were expecting, but they could deal with that.

"What if I go alone and my partners wait outside?" Dean suggested.

The woman tightened her lips, looking suspicious but nodded anyway, opening the door for Dean to enter while both Alphas stood dumbfounded outside.  
Once inside the house Dean couldn't help but notice how everything looked like a house decor magazine from the 60's.

Lillian gestured for an empty space on the sofa and he sat down. She was obviously not very welcoming, judging by the hard look on her face.

"So... Mrs. Smith, did you notice anything different the night your husband was killed?" Dean asked. "Weird noises? A sudden drop of temperature?"

"Now that you mentioned, I did feel very cold suddenly. When I went to turn on the heater, I heard my husband screaming in the yard." She told him. "He was just getting home from work. When I got outside, he was already dead."

So, it was definitely a ghost. But how could it kill three different men on three different places?

"Did he know any of the two other victims?"  
"Not that I'm aware of." She said, but added frowning. "However, I don't go on asking my Alpha about his Alpha friends. It's not proper."

He raised an eyebrow at that. It was very clear that she was a traditional omega, now even more so.

"You seem to care a lot about what is proper and what's not. Did your husband care about it too?" He asked.

"Yes, of course. He was a proper Alpha." She answered. "You don't seem to care about those things at all."

The disdain was clear in her voice. She didn't continue but Dean could almost hear her saying "how you're going to find a mate like that?".  
He wanted to be angry at her tone, but the truth is that she was just someone even more broken as he was.

"What happened to you if he thought something you did was improper?"

She flinched hard at the question. For a moment, She just stood there looking surprised at how fast he guessed what went on in her house.

Lillian started to look angry, ready to defend her dead Alpha's honor even when he didn't deserve so.  
With gritted teeth she replied:

"My husband did what he had to do to keep our home adjusted and happy."

Dean pressed his lips in a thin line, considered what to do next. She was clearly on a defensive mode, one wrong word could make her stop cooperating.  
He decided to try another type of question.  
"I'm sure of it, Mrs. Smith." He said. "Now, do you anyone who disliked him? Enough to want him dead?"

She answered immediately, not even taking her time to think.  
"Our across the street neighbour, Alisha Roberts, hated the way our family worked, for some reason. She would want him dead, for sure." She added an afterthought. "But I don't think she has the guts for killing."

Dean stood up, realising he had enough information to go on and wanting desperately to leave that frozen-in-time house.

"Thanks for your time. If we need anymore information, we'll let you know."

As soon as Dean left the house Sam and Castiel were asking him how it went.  
"Extremely traditional family. He was surely abusive." He answered.

"Do you think she could have something to do with his deaths?" Sam asked.

"No, too brainwashed for that. She really believes her husband was a good man." Dean explained. "But she seemed to think one of her neighbors might have hated him enough to kill him."

"You think that could lead us somewhere?" Cas asked.

"I mean, it's surely a ghost case but that girl could have some dirt on the victim that Mrs. Smith wouldn't tell us about."

"The ghost must be linked to an object, then. I should check if any of the victims visited the same stores recently." Sam said.

"Good call. Me and Cas will talk to the girl, then."

At that, Sam went to the Impala to pick up his laptop and Cas and Dean crossed the street, quietly. The omega was still thinking of the night before. Of how weak he had allowed himself to be.

He was so absorbed in his own thoughts he didn't even notice Castiel was already knocking on Alisha's door.

As soon as the girl opened the door, they could tell she wasn't surprised to see them there.

"You're here because of what happened to Smith?" She asked, unable to even say his name without disdain.

"Yes, I'm agent Collins and this is my partner agent Page. We'd like to answer a few questions." Said Dean.

"Sure, come in." She said, making way for them to enter the house. "But, honestly, I have nothing useful to say. I'm not sad about his death, but I know nothing about it."

The girl was clearly an Omega. She was young, but not a teenager. She was beautiful with her long curly brown her and hazel eyes. But if you look attentively you'll notice she has the face of someone who bears the weight of the world on their shoulders.

"Anything could be helpful on case like this." Castiel said as both of them sat down on the couch.

"Did you notice anything unusual on the day he died?" Dean asked.

"I heard him screaming, but I thought that Lillian had decided to fight back so tried not to look. So that I couldn't rat him out to the police, if something happened to him." She confessed. "But that was foolish of me. It wasn't her."

"How can you be so sure?" The angel asked.  
"I heard her screaming when she found the body too. That type of despair can't be faked." Alisha said. "She really loved that son of a bitch."

"But you hated him?" Dean asked.  
"You bet I did. I've seen him striking her across the face. I've heard him screaming at her." The girl told them." I tried to call the police on him, but nothing was done. Tried to convince her to leave him, but she wouldn't."

Well, that guy was the devil himself and Dean didn't feel sorry for him. Unfortunately, bad people or not, there was still a ghost killing people and Dean still had a job to do.

Alisha didn't say it, but they could feel how much Mr. Smith being dead was a relief for her. Lillian talked about her with distaste, but she still wanted Lillian to be happy and free of that man.  
Dean only hoped that someday he would be as much a good person as Alisha seemed to be.

"Look, I was at home on my laptop when he got killed. You can check my search history if you like." She said. "I can't kill him while I'm typing, right?"  
●●●

They were back at the bunker discussing the leads they had so far.  
They had managed to collect very few information at the bar, because of that little incident. And Sam had found no online record of the three men buying products from the same stores.  
So, basically, all they knew is that the first victim was a sick son of a bitch, and that the second one had no family they could talk to. The plan was to visit the third victims parents the next day.

"I'm exhausted. I think I'm going to bed." Sam got up and left his brother and Castiel alone.

"I think you should do the same, Dean." The angel suggested.  
"What? Go to sleep? No, I'm fine. I think we might be missing something, I need to work on this case."

Cas approached him slightly, with a frown on his face. Dean tried not to stop eye contact but it was hard when just looking at those bright blue orbs made him want to scream "screw it!" to everything he knew about himself and dive right in.

"You need to take care of yourself, Dean. You went through a terrible experience yesterday and you want to pretend everything is fine when it isn't."

Why was Cas so fucking considerate? And caring? It made Dean's life harder than he had to be. How could Dean pretend that he wasn't in love with this man?

"Cas... you can't think like that. He didn't even get to touch me. Believe me, I went through worse stuff before and I'm fine." He insisted.

"You're not fine, Dean. It's okay to admit something hurted you." Castiel said, with that soft look that he only wore for Dean.

"It's not okay, Cas. It's not okay to be weak." Dean said, getting nervous. "I can't be a hunter if I'm weak."

"No one would think that you're weak for admitting that you're hurt. " Castiel said, frowning as if he couldn't understand why someone would think such a thing.

Dean was getting more and more frustrated. How could Cas not see it? Not understand how Dean should be completely used to that by now? How he should have been capable to ignore it?

"Cas, by the time I was 13, my dad's hunter buddies were saying vile things to me, and for fuck's sake, trying to grope me. Treating me like less than a hunter, less than a human." He said, exasperated."So I'm not kidding when I say I've been through worse."

Castiel seemed taken back by those words. He knew Dean had faced discrimination on the hunting scene before but he didn't know it was that bad.  
Sometimes he forgot how humans could be worse than monsters.

"I'm sorry you had to-" He started to say but got interrupted by Dean.

"No, Cas! Don't feel sorry! My whole point is that I should be able to deal with my shit alone by now!" He was practically screaming by now. 

Omegas... so hysterical all the time.  
A voice that sound suspiciously like John echoed inside Dean's head.

"Dean... " Cas started, softly. "You don't have to deal with anything alone."

Everything was quiet for a moment, all that could be heard was Dean's hard breathing.

"I'm here for you. Your brother is here for you too. You don't have to be alone, Dean." He insisted.

The omega could feel the need to cry getting to him, but he fought it as hard as he could. Not a single tear fell from his eyes, even if a part of him knew crying would be good for him.  
He made a promise to himself that he'd never be that weak again and he will not break it.

"Can I hug you?" The angel asked and Dean simply nodded.

Castiel wrapped his arms so tightly around Dean that he felt like he could barely breath, but he had never felt as safe as he did at that moment.  
Slowly, Dean wrapped his own arms around Cas too.

And they stayed like that for a while, lost in their little world. They said nothing, but they didn't need to.

If Dean had any doubts whether Castiel loved him back, all those doubts died during that type. That was absolutely no way that he was the only one feeling this, that was no way the angel's hold was platonic.

Dean was a little bit overwhelmed, but he didn't mind. Fuck, is that what love is supposed to feel like?

Slowly, almost as he was already regretting doing it, Cas let go of him.

"Are you ok?" He asked, worry clear in his pretty blue eyes.

"Haven't been for a while." Dean answered, sincerely. "But at least I'm with you."

There were a few seconds in which they were just looking at each other. Only it was deeper than that, they could look right into each other's souls.  
Cas saw a wonderful man who had been through a lot. A man who couldn't begin to understand how much he was worth. Who was too scared by his past to move on and too hurt by it to admit it. Who was used to take care of others, but didn't allow others to take care of him.

Dean saw the best thing that ever happened to him. He saw someone who was strong and caring. He saw someone who was compassionate, who loved with all of his heart shamelessly. He saw the perfect example of what an Alpha should be.  
He saw the love of his life.

Lost in the feelings of deep adoration for his angel, Dean leaned forwards and pressed his lips on Cas' to give him a kiss.  
It lasted a second, but this moment would be forever in those men's mind and heart.

It was just a quick peck, actually because soon the reality of what Dean did crashed on him and he pulled away.

"Fuck, oh no...fuck!" Dean said, not being able to complete a single sentence. He had done it, he screwed everything up.

"Dean... it's okay. Please, don't panic. If I did something to indicate that I expected you to-" Castiel tried to speak, but Dean didn't let him finish. 

"No, Cas. You didn't do shit. That's the problem, I did it because I wanted to!" He was shouting by now. "You know what? Forget it!"

With that, ignoring Castiel's calls for him, he stormed out of the bunker, got in Baby and started driving away to no place in particular. Just... away.

Away from Castiel and his stupid lips, away from Sam who kept encouraging him to be with Cas, and hopefully, away from his own feelings.

**Author's Note:**

> So? What do you think? GIVE ME FEEDBACK!!! ♡  
> Title from "because of you"  
> I'm aiming for 15-20 chapters but who knows?  
> Also, keep in mind that my first language isn't english so sorry if there are many mistakes


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